took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
