I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
