Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
