Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
bring money and cleavage
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
