I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My life is pants optional.
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