how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
