We won't sleep together?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
