i would punch a child for taco bell
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
