addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
