My sheets look like a crime scene.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My bed smells like the plague
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
