I can text with my tongue
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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