Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
