I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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