Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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