im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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