apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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