hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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