6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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