PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
