i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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