If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
