I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
