where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
