we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
