Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
