Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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