hotel room ftw
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
