My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
