it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
