yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
