I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
