so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
