I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
