I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
