I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
