No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
