Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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