i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
