Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
