i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
