never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
