i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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