i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
