guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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