Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
