Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
