my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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