I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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