you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
