from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
too bad you live with your parents still
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
