I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
