So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
its liver damage thursday
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
